October 2017 – Family Highlights

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Highlights

• We say goodbye to “Kitty”
• Halloween 2017!
• Sport Court is ready

Our sweet kitty takes ill and we must say goodbye
Certainly the saddest thing we’ve had to face as a family of four was the realization that Kitty wasn’t going to get better and we’d have to let her go. As we crossed over into October, we’d just confirmed that our sweet little girl was sick with possibly cancer and the effect was that her lungs were filled with a thick fluid. Dr. Thomas at Pet Headquarters told Heidi that he was “surprised this cat was still alive”. After calling her in urgently, he was able to drain just some of the fluid very carefully and sent us home with his best guess prognosis of 3-6 months if we can keep her eating well enough and comfortable.

The lung draining seemed to make a big difference as Kitty’s eating picked up to where it had been a couple weeks prior. And while her breathing was still visibly fast and labored, we just knew she had to feel better with some of that substance removed from her hard working lungs. Dr. Thomas was really great in assuring us that we had options for treating her. The caveat of course was that any further diagnosis and treatment would be costly. What’s more, in doing so, there would still be no guarantee pursing specialized treatment would lead to a healthy cat. So, we kept close tabs on her and tried to both accept what her health reality was but also have hope that we could prolong a relative quality of life for her with our family.

We continued a daily antibiotics treatment and started an at-home dose of oral steroid each night. Not our (or Kitty’s) favorite daily ritual but we wanted to believe it could make a big difference for her. Unfortunately, by the second week of the month, we had more or less confirmed with a special pathology report that the substance in her lungs was consistent with cancer.

As each day passed, it was clear that the original steroid shot and medication we treated her at home with twice a day weren’t having the same effects as when she first started receiving them. As mid-month approached, Kitty’s eating started to fade just as it had before we got her checked out initially. Clearly, it was well beyond the finicky eating behavior that we were first suspecting weeks ago. For several days, we watched her eating habits and litter box closely, and things did not get better. We took her in and gave her some fluids on Monday, the 16th at Pet Headquarters along with another steroid shot. The hope was that it would stimulate her to eat something instead of just licking the tops of bowls filled with Tuna or creamy baby food. It reminded us of Cole in his final weeks, where he would eagerly”ask” for food, but when presented a favorite dish, would not eat it. In the 24 hours following this last pet visit, Kitty still wouldn’t eat and spent most of her time in Calan’s room resting. She wasn’t completely out though as she had moments where she would whisk down the stairs, roll over affectionately when you stroked her back and even responded for a second or two to a playful gesture with your hand or toy. But now, the hard discussions we’d generalized over before became more about plans and the tug-of-war between our hearts wanting to keep her around longer and the reality of when we would need to let her go. The when is so hard… The toughest aspect related to waiting as long as possible is not wanting her to slip into any dramatic state of suffering. As hard as it was, we worked through the emotions and even the logistics with our lives to come to terms that sooner would be better. Heidi’s friend Rachel gave us a good perspective when she said, it’s better to lose a few good hours towards the end with a sick animal than to risk making them suffer through many hours. Since Dr. Thomas was out of town, we called the Cat Doctor in Thousand Oaks to see if they could help us. They are bit more costly, but they were so great with Cole 5 1/2 years ago. We knew it would be a much calmer, more caring and less clinical experience there. We set an appointment for Wednesday morning the 18th with Dr. Cody.

As parents, we really wanted Calan to understand what was going on at the times he needed to. Up until that final week, he knew Kitty was sick and that we were watching her and doing things to help her feel better. We shared openly with him when these things weren’t working. With Kitty not eating well and her working against her breathing problem, her condition could only get worse and possibly turn very quickly. This is hard to understand even for us grown-ups when you see your pet walking around, cuddling and hanging around with the family. Calan responded with moments of clear sadness, but also an understanding. When the moments were right, we talked about the process of putting a pet to sleep. We talked about what happens, cremation and what we could do to make it easy and comfortable for Kitty and even us. We let Calan make some of choices and answered all of his questions honestly. He felt exactly like we did, that we did not want to lose her, much less take the actions necessary to see that through and do what was right.

On Kitty’s last night with us, Calan decided to stay home from his group violin class so that he could spend more time with her. The evening was a good balance of family time and just being with Kitty. Calan offset his emotions about Kitty during the evening by getting outside and enjoying his new favorite game on the court, Badminton. He also had his gemstones to look at and talk about with us. We kept real and healthy conversations going about Kitty, following Calan’s lead when he had questions or wanted to talk.

The next morning, we watched as Kitty licked at her last bowl of tuna and hung out with us during breakfast and as we prepared ourselves for the trip to the Cat Doctor. One thing we had to be mindful of was Heidi’s work schedule in the early afternoon. We didn’t want to rush anything, but we needed to arrive at our appointment time (originally 9:30 but we changed to 9:45) on time so that we could have some time together after… Well, when we were finishing getting ready, Kitty threw one last wrench into the works. Often in the mid-morning, she will find a snoozing spot upstairs. Today was really no different. 10 minutes before leaving, she was resting quietly in Calan’s room. So, while the boys and Mama did their final tasks before leaving Dada hung out with Kitty for a few minutes. Calan came in shortly after, and then Evan. Just as the last six months, if the scene got a little too “lively” with Evan, Kitty would leave the area. So, we watched her walk through Evan’s room and on to the master bedroom looking around for somewhere to go. We closed some closet doors and figured she might just go to one of her spots under the window where she often like to sleep. This would be just fine, as in a few minutes we would come get her after the boys were settled in the car. But when Dada came back, she wasn’t in the room anymore. In fact, she was no where to be found at all in the house. After several passes, (eventually with the whole family back inside), and nearly 40 minutes of searching , we finally found her deep in the master closet, back inside and under the broken bottom drawer of a dresser we keep in there. It was her best hiding place to date, and she sure used it wisely! Reluctantly, we pulled her out and got her secured in her carrier. We were finally off…

The Cat Doctor was just how we expected. It was peaceful and quite, and not other pets came in the entire time we were there. There was just a couple helpful staff and Dr. Cody. He was perfect; a youngish family guy who was soft spoken and clearly understood the sensitivities of our situation: A boy and his family saying a much too early goodbye to their kitty. We settled into their special room and let Kitty out. While she explored the room actively, Dr. Cody explained to Calan just how the process works and the steps he would take to help Kitty pass slowly and effortlessly. We chatted with Dr. Cody for a bit about Kitty and how hard this all can be. He let us know he’s been on both sides of this conversation many times. Calan continued to be strong while also letting his emotions flow freely when he felt like it. It’s hard enough to see the family pet go, but having to see your child come to grips with it is just as hard. What makes it a special part of life though is being able to also see your child’s caring heart work through it with such composure and understanding. Throughout the whole time at the Cat Doctor we were so proud of Calan and how he handled spending his last moments with Kitty. He gave Kitty so many caressesses, hugs and kisses, from beginning to end. He watched her poke and crawl around the furniture of the room, and when she landed under a large wicker chair, he crawled down by her and beckoned her out with his treasure chest of gemstones he’d brought along. He wanted to be there and hold her in his lap as Dr. Cody administered the medication. There was no doubt that she felt our love, but Calan’s especially as she drifted off. Calan was very sad but also quite curious as he observed and took in the experience. Counter to this was helping Evan to manage his own understanding and behavior. Of course he couldn’t fully grasp what was happening and was easily distracted by other things in the room or the other cat roaming around outside the door. In the end, Evan paused just long enough, as he realized enough that we would not see Kitty ever again. This was good so we could all be together as we said our final goodbyes.  All of us in tears, in the quiet room together. Dr. Cody’s eyes moistened up a bit too as his own compassion for the situation poured through.

When it was over, we thanked the guys at the Cat Doctor for everything. We realized that many families may not make such a big deal out of all this, but we’re glad we did and feel we did it in a way that was perfect for what Calan needed. For the kids, we feel it’s a wonderful opportunity to grow their hearts and cherish something special. We told Calan that his love for Kitty showed so much, and that in his very young life, this is just the beginning of his life-long journey of getting to enjoy his love for animals, through good times and hard times. Maybe he doesn’t fully get that now, but it shows. As planned, after we left we went for some allergy friendly food at California Pizza Kitchen and then a rock and gem store down on Thousand Oaks Blvd. The kids made the transition just great, and things felt mostly normal again. Evan was still himself, needing a bit of attention (especially in the gem shop!), but these were just the right activities to help ease the pain and to move forward a little bit in the day. It was hard when Mama went off to work for a few hours, but we did what we set out to do. All the emotions were hard, but we remembered to be there for each other every step of the way.

The Sport Court is done…Enough
October started in traditional fashion this year, with eastern winds and high temperatures. Our back yard filled with excessive debris from the trees and the thermometer hit in the 90s many days and even ticked over 100 a couple of times. But when the weather was “normal” we took advantage and played outside on our newly finished sport court. The concrete cured, and we assembled our modular court tiles on top. At last, our playing surface was in place. Inviting a few friends over one evening, we got the goal put together, raised up and bolted into place. It was long awaited, but Calan could finally take some shots on his new backboard and rim. We also strung the volleyball net across the court for badminton, volleyball, etc. Calan picked up this skill in no time, taking a couple days to get a feel for hitting the birdie consistently with a racket. He really loved it. Evan joined in too, inventing his own game of trying to hit the birdie off his racket after flipping it up first. Soon, our hockey sticks and nets arrived, and the kids loved those as well. The nets doubled as small soccer goals, and by the end of the month, Calan had several new favorite sports to play. Of course, we couldn’t leave out the soft-tip, electronic dart board we’d had for years. We secured it to a tree and let Calan take it for a spin. He absolutely loved throwing darts and played many games against Dada and even Coach Wil when he came over for a couple basketball training sessions this month. The lights work great as well, so as nightfall crept in earlier each day, we found ourselves playing outside well after sunset. It was success, and it’s easy to see the kids (and Mama & Dada) will have lots of fun out there for years to come.

Halloween
Needless to say this year, the weeks leading up to Halloween weren’t as “festive” as the years past. We got about 50% of the decorations up and missed visiting the pumpkin patch. But…we did make a return to the Halloween festival at the Y and had a fun night eating homemade pizzas and trick-or-treating, with the boys in full costume. Calan had settled on Harry Potter after becoming an official fanatic this year. He’d read through to most of Book 4 of the series and loved the idea of having a “good” wand, complete with the Harry robe, tie and glasses. It took a little effort to get his hair darker, but in the end he pulled off Harry pretty well. Evan’s love of Daniel Tiger carried through to his costume this year. His warm and cozy little tiger costume was just right for him. That said, there were times all the way up to getting dressed for trick-or-treating that he asked to be the Statue of Liberty again or Calan’s old skeleton costume. After eating some delicious pizzas that Mama made from gluten free crusts and watching some of the World Series, we headed out and met up with Carson and Dave Gaines down the street. The Rodriqueses were at another neighborhood tonight, but it was nice to be in a small group too. Evan still needs some watching of course, and a little guidance at the doors. He never had any issues running up to the doors with confidence; however, sometimes he would get distracted by scary decorations and forget to acknowledge the person at their door handing out candy. When he was focused on receiving treats, he often picked not one, not two, but three or more pieces. This always brought a smile to people’s faces, although one neighbor had to cut him off saying he needed some candy for the rest of the kids tonight. Evan also accidentally ate his first peanut M&M. It all happened pretty fast, but a loose one fell out of a bag and he ended up with it in his hand, then mouth. Mama looked up quickly, and fortunately, they are ‘safe’ for him to eat. Back at home, the boys relished going through their loot while Mama and Dada picked out the pure junk stuff and of course, anything with wheat or eggs for Evan…which was more than half of what he got.

Calan

Aside from his outdoor sports he’s discovering, Calan’s biggest sporting spirit inside is definitely football. With football season in full swing, Calan will get out his small Nerf football and begin inventing/re-enacting football plays. Not just your typical plays however… but any play that is LOUD. Beginning with the count, his quarterback will shout out the cadence, then it’s time for teh announcer and commentary to take over… again, at full volume. The high volume comes from the fact that every play of his is some kind of amazing throw or run for a touchdown. If there is a penalty on the play, then we’re sure to here the referee bark out the offending action to the imaginary crowd. And speaking of the crowd, there’s not shortage of hollers and cheers going on during this highly imaginative games.

Another funny thing Calan has picked up recently is him not remembering things. Almost as an excuse, if he doesn’t do something he agree to for instance, he’ll simply blame it on his memory. He’ll utter defeated, “I forgot.” Other times, it won’t be related to a defensive response and just a clear forgetfulness. For example, one day 30 minutes after hugging and saying goodbye to Mama as she went off to the store, Calan said, “Where’s Mama?” After reminding him, he said he honestly forgot that she left.

Along with his team basketball season going strong this month, Calan also got invited to join a practice with the older kids. Since Coach Wil helps coach the “D2” (8-10 year olds), he asked if Calan wanted to join their optional practice on Sunday afternoons. We jumped on the opportunity as Calan always shines when working with older kids. He lived up to this, as each Sunday you could seem him extremely focused and working hard to carry out the drills along with the bigger kids. This is something you just don’t see with the younger guys on his main team. You really start to see that Calan’s hard work is paying off, as often his form and success with the drills looks better than some of the older kids at times.

Calan also had a chance to pursue some of his rock hounding hobby one day this month. Mama and Evan headed down to Long Beach for Evan’s appointment, and Cala and Dada stayed back to spend the day together. After helping to clean up the yard following the first big Santa Anna windstorm of the season, Calan and Dada headed over to a local rock and stone yard, Thompson Building Materials. He’d been here before, but not with his new interest in rocks. We toured around the large lot looking at large bins full of small rocks and that a huge section full of large rock used for paving, siding, etc. We had fun trying to identify different types of granite and finding quartz veins in some of the rocks. He especially like the rocks underneath the cantera fountain area, since they looked even more interested when wet. From there we stopped b Taco Bell, a place he’s been wanting to try since it was safe enough for him. He absolutely loved the taste and eating there. A big treat, no doubt. From there, we headed over to the mountain across the fields from our neighborhood. It has a rock quarry on the southwest side of it, so we parked and hiked around the edge of it. It was fun scouting about, trying to find interesting rocks. Calan took his rock pick, magnifying glass and gloves. We didn’t find a whole lot, but nothing beats just being together and taking in the experience together.

Notable quotes this month:

After one of his basketball games where the ref did things a little differently, Dada asked, “Did your  game feel strange tonight or did it feel like a normal game?” Calan replied, “It felt normal…actually it felt normal but a little strange.”

Evan continued with his cute, but very intriguing artistic drawing and coloring this month. Again, his “pieces” are made from layering many colors densely into one small area. Sometimes, he’ll even add a glue stick layer on top, giving it an interesting smudgy texture. He even did a couple of these works on post-it notes. With his style of working so much into one spot, the stickies seemed to be the perfect sized canvas.

At Dr. R’s Evan was introduce to rye protein. With this, we’re getting even closer to wheat. He had a small reaction to in the office, but recovered pretty quickly. He was sent home with this new daily dose of what amounted to almost a dusting of the rye flour to eat with some applesauce.

One morning, we discovered Evan’s right front tooth was chipped. We traced it back to the night before, when he slipped while standing up on the couch (sigh). We believe he hit his mouth on his Alphabet Train car that was ALSO up on the couch at the time (sigh). The lost piece wasn’t very large given his small teeth, but it was certainly big enough to notice and change the shape of his tooth a bit. Thankfully it’s a baby tooth, but he’s still a couple years away from those coming out. We could only shake our heads and accept this is how his front teeth will be for awhile. Not to worry, he’s still the same silly Evan we can’t resist hugging and kissing every time we get close to him.

Notable quotes this month:

Eating dinner on a special night where the kids wanted to watch their Wild Kratts show, Dada asked Evan, “Are you hungry?” Evan responded with, “Yes… I’m hungry for Wild Kratts”

“Dada, you really lost your hair”

One morning just before Halloween, when it was really foggy and misty outside: “It’s raining Halloween!”

Running into the room really fast: “Ok! But…never mind!” Then ran away.

Dada: “Let’s put any of your loose cash in your piggy bank”
Evan: “Oh my piggy bank….In that case I need some dollars.”

“Don’t play football. It’s not football time. It’s cuddle time.” To Calan, after he started running around with the football one morning.

When Evan saw Rayah on Halloween, he kept smiling over her and wanted to be close to her. When we asked him about it, he said “She’s a…princess.”